"1. my question....what's the deal with bieber fever?"
-Turdhole
Hey Turdhole,
Let’s get serious for a second: we’re all a little curious about the Bieb, but each of us exerts our Bieb-energy in our own unique way. Par example: I currently have a mushroom cut. Sometimes Chomps wears cranberry-hued skinny jeans. I’m sure Eric must own a pair of flashy hightops. Heck, even Andrew at times discusses small-town Ontariolife in a hip, Hot-lanta accent. We’re all technically guilty of catching the bug. The question is, why all of a sudden are our all-time favourite activities being attributed to the fact that this luscious lad at some point also did these things?
Look, in truth, Bieber Fever has always been in our lives. I suppose we just never had a name for it until now. What I mean to say is, he is nothing but a regurgitation of everything we have already seen, yet he personifies our culture so well. As did the Beatles back in the 60s. But remember, before the Beatles and their fancy haircuts, there was Moe. Before Lady Gaga? Madonna. Before Bieber? Lesbians.
Just keep in mind, there is no remedy for the Bieber pandemic. We all have something in common with J-Biebs, thus creating this inexplicable connection to him that we all feel, and we need to learn to live with it. Your own STBieb is going to be annoying, and at times, deeply itchy and uncomfortable, but you’ll warn your current and future partners about it and you will cope together.
So, in short, asking Straight Shootin’ what the deal is with Bieber fever will get you about as far as I got when I googled “Why do I fart when I exercise?”...FYI, that’s nowhere. You must look inside yourself. And if that doesn’t help, try googling “lesbians that look like Justin Bieber.” For serious. You’ll figure it out.
Happy to help!
-Mel
Have a question? Email it to straightshootin@pausedesigns.com!
